What has four legs but can't walk?
A chair.
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over.
"You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked."
"'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.
Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Why do orphans like playing tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Answer: “Lazy.”
You WILL be a winner today.
Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.
How do you caculate the population of Russia?
You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.