Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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The actual definition of U.F.O is Chuck Norris's Toy Frisbee.
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When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A. Because she blows the horn!
A desperate man enters a bar and says:
All the lawyers are stupid!!!
From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man:
Take that back!
Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, I’m stupid...
A loan shark asks a lawyers advice:
How can I get back my $1,000 from Johnny if I lost my loan receipt?
Send a letter where you will write to him to send you the $2,000 he owns you.
Ok but I only loaned him $1,000!
That’s the idea, we want to get from hem a proof that he owns you $1,000...