Best jokes ever

Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
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More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, death, music
‘Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, “So, what did you think?”’ Steven Wright
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More jokes about: life
Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
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More jokes about: black humor
Yo mama's so poor when she heard about the last supper, she thought she ran out of food stamps.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.
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More jokes about: age, animal, old people
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, wine
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes.
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More jokes about: disgusting
Man: Great idea, bad design.
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More jokes about: men
He was such an egotist that he joined the navy so the world could see him.
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More jokes about: mean, navy
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me.
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More jokes about: kids