Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times?
A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
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Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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Q: Where do you find elves?
A: Depends where you left them!
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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The actual definition of U.F.O is Chuck Norris's Toy Frisbee.
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Your mama's so stupid when she saw a bus with lots of white kids in it she said stop that Twinkie.
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