Why did the frog cross the road?
To see what the chicken was doing.
Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Why did the captain lose the yacht race?
He found himself in a no-wind situation.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport?
Pool.
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?"
He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?"
She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..."
Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss."
She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!"
She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?"
The bartender nods...yes.
"Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Spot.
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body?
A New Zealander's cock!
OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
The cost of living is the difference between your net income and your gross habits!