Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard just another fist!
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Chuck Norris doesn't use OFF!
Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him.
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Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull.
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Yo mama is so fat she got on a scale and it said: One person at a time please!
How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1001.....1 to hold the light bulb and 1000 to turn the house.
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A student called her best friend and said that she had some great news.
“The teacher told me that we had to do a test today in rain or shine,” she told her.
“Why is that great,” her friend asked.
“It’s snowing today!”
There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour.
Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking.
Here, I'll buy you another drink.
I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that.
This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office.
My boss, in an outrage, fires me.
When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police say they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener.
I leave home and come to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
She was so blonde that she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.