Gods walking around heaven taking a stroll and sees a little black baby all sad and depressed sitting on a curb, God asks him whats wrong the black boy says i wanna be a angel, so God snaps his fingers and the boy gets wings he is all excited, and he says am i an angel?
God says NO NIGGA YOU A BAT!
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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The actual definition of U.F.O is Chuck Norris's Toy Frisbee.
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Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all Night long.
But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.
When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A. Because she blows the horn!