What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.
Chuck Norris invented 1080p so people could see his beard is made of razor wire.
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8,' his friend replied. That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!
Q: How did the sand get wet? A: The sea weed!
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.