A man is staggering home drunk late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer. ‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man. ‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman. ‘My wife,’ replies the man.
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
Why do people like to borrow money in Alaska? Because they have Fairbanks!
Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
Tom is walking home from the pub late one night when he takes a short cut across a cow field. Halfway across he drops his hat. He has to try on fifty others before he finds it again.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyone’s been in a 747.
A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What do you call a frog with no legs? It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
Why did the gag-writer turn green? Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!