Q: What is your date of birth? A: December 30th. Q: What year? A: Every year
How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count? Eminem has to chew before swallowing.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish. He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, "Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish." The fisherman looks around and says, "Well, we are almost out of beer, how about you turn this whole damn lake into beer". *POOF* the genie grants his wish and leaves. His partner slaps him on the chest and says, "What the hell did you do that for, now we have to piss in the boat!!"
How many L.A. cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Six. One to do it and 5 to smash the old bulb to smithereens.
How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?