An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!” So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked “How did you do it?” “Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, “Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!”
Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Why do bears have fur coats? (Because they look silly wearing jackets!)
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? Pull out the pin and throw it back.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? An invalid.
There are three blondes on an island. A genie says they can only have one wish t get themselfs off. The first says" I wish I was smart" so she turns into a red head and swims off the island. The second says " I wish I was smarter than her" so she turns into a brunette and swims away. The third one says " I wish I was smarter than both of them" so she turns into a man and walks on the bridge.
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!
Men come in three sizes: Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!