Best jokes ever

Why is Cinderella such a bad football player? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
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After any salary rise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
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What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."
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A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."
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Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking: Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one. What did you do? Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
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I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
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I gave up alcohol last year. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life.
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They say whisky and petrol don’t mix. They do, but it doesn’t taste nice.
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A man goes into a pub and says, ‘I’d like something tall, icy and full of gin.’ The barman turns and shouts into the kitchen, ‘Oi, Doris! Someone to see you!’
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I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
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