How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
Yo mamma’s so fat that if she wants to go piss the toilet would break!
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.
I saw the priest watching pornography. Should I get jelous? -Johnny, 11 years old.