Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
He used to drink so much, Gordon’s thought he was a wholesaler.
He’s such an alcoholic, when pink elephants get drunk, they see him.
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
Harry staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife. ‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Harry. ‘You idiot,’ says his wife. ‘If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner.’
Harry to Tom: ‘My uncle died last week. Left me sod all.’ Tom: ‘Wow. Sod Hall. How many rooms has it got?’
I love her so much I worship the ground her father found oil on.
On the street strolls a chick dressed with fur from head to toes. Near hear another chick stops and says to hear: Do you imagine how many animals they had to kill for this coat? But do you know with how many animals I had to sleep with for it?