This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back." "I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes." "That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents." About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?" "Not so good, dude." "What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."
Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.
Yo momma’s so ugly, she makes onions cry.
Did you know Chuck Norris's tears was the curernto Cansa, but the problem was he never ever cried.
Chucks Norris's mirror is scared to look at him.
Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?" Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
Two men were talking about their wives. First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please." Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"
Chuck Norris told Wiz Khalifa what it is.