If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Vote:
Marriage is love.
Love is blind.
Marriage is an institution.
Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.
What do you call a blonde with a brain?
A golden retriever.
Handy hint: Feed your baby onions so you can find it in the dark.
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage.
He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’
‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it.
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What?
Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names.
Vote:
Yo Mama's glasses are so thick she looks at a map and sees people waving.