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A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''
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Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.
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Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.
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What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Brontosnorus.
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What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
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Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
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There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island. One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes. All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each. The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened." and poof, her wish was granted. The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened." and poof, her wish was granted. Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."
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A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
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The cop said, ‘Pull over!’ I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’
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Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions!
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