A Bosnian catches a goldfish. The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish." The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
Why did the basketball player go to jail? "Because he shot the ball!"
In reality, only Chuck Norris is allowed to sing "We are the Champions". He has no time for losers. He will rock you.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
Ramu: Dad, can you write in the dark? Father: I think so. What do you want me to write? Ramu: Your name on this report card.
There was once a ship that wouldn't let chuck norris on board. It is now known as titanic
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose." And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.