What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.
A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?" "Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver. "Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman. "Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was screwed."
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally, the fellow started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy"
Men are like guns. Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Yo' sister is so ugly, I thought she was Yo' Mama.
What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter. A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.