Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
Yo momma’s so ugly, she makes onions cry.
Wife to husband: ‘When I married you you said you had an ocean-going yacht!’ Husband: ‘Shut up and row.’
Chuck Norris can fly around the world on a paper airplane.
Chucks Norris's mirror is scared to look at him.
Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?" Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"
Chuck Norris told Wiz Khalifa what it is.
If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
Chuck Norris flosses with dynamite wick.