What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
What fits your schedule better...... Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
Teacher: “How do you spell “dog”?” Boy: “D, o, g, enter.”
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.