Chuck Norris doesn't pick up his food to eat it.
He commands it to enter his mouth.
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Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't?
A: A belly button between her boobs.
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Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Chuck Norris decided 50 years of Micheal Jackson was enough
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After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied:
I love sauna!
Two bloggers chatting:
Mom: Son, it’s snowing so nice.
Son: Where, Give me the link please.
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed by a train.
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on.
The bartender goes, "Where'd you get the great shirt mate?"
The man replies, "David Jones." This 2nd guy walks into the bar with really good pants on and the bartender goes "Where'd you get the great pants mate?"
The man replies, " David Jones." This 3rd guy walks into the bar with really great shoes and sock on.
The bartender goes, "Where'd you get the great shoes and socks mate?" The man replies, "David Jones."
Then this 4th guy runs in naked and the bartender goes, "Look Who the hell are you mate?"
And the naked guy says, "I'm David Jones!"