What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible!
Yo momma’s so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H —— d.
A blonde was headed to Detroit.
She got on the plane and sat down in first class.
A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat.
She refused.
The flight attendent was persistant, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class."
The flight attendent was getting frustrated.
Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move.
Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendent, "How did you get her to move?"
The flight attendent replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood.
His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."
The man replied, "Is that your final answer"?
She said, "Yes."
...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.
"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.
I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long.
Is there anything you can give me?"
"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.
Please take off your clothes."
The man strips down.
The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.
"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"
"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
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Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common.
So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
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Chuck Norris walked right into Area 51, bought a Snapple, and walked out.
No one dared to move.
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