Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? (They use bear conditioning!)
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to of all people a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest? When its raining cats and dogs.
I've recently got a stalker. He's everywhere all the time. And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me. So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."
How come you don’t find stupid brunettes anywhere? Because they all painted themselves blond.
Q: What do you call a blonde sitting in the back of your 6th grade class? A: your 25 year old mom.
Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.