Best jokes ever

My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-

Yo mama's so stupid when she cries for help she says "come here please".

The Yeti can't be found because it Chuck Norris made sure no one ever finds it.

Q: What do ghosts use to phone home? A: A terror-phone.

Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.

The following is a short list of what Chuck Norris cannot do: .

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish. "I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife ...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand ! Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..." So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !

When Chuck Norris says "Jump", you don't say, "How high?" - you say, "When do I come down?"

In an aeroplane flying to Melbourne a blonde girl leaves her seat and goes to the business class. The stewardess, who’ s watching her, gently asks her to see her ticket and tells her that she has to go back to her seat. But the blonde girl replies “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”. The stewardess goes to the cockpit and explains the copilot what happened. So he comes out of the cockpit and tries to explain to the blonde girl that she had to go back to her seat. And again the blonde girl says “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”. The copilot, confused, returns to the cockpit and explains the situation to the aircraft commander. “Don’t worry”, he says, “My wife is a blonde… I can hanlde it!”. So the commander, goes out, spots the blonde and whispers something in her ear. Suddenley, she stands up and says “Oh sorry mister…I didn’ t know…!” and runs back to her seat. “What the hell did you tell her?” asks the copilot who was watching the scene. “I told her that people in the business class are not flying to Belbourne”

J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!