Three men stranded on an island.
They were walking across the sand when they came across a magic lamp; they rubbed the lamp and out came a genie.
The genie said "you have three wishes but make it quick."
So they thought about what they were going to wish for.
The one man said, "I wish I was at home with my family."
So the genie said your wish is my command, and he was gone, then the second man said
"I wish I was in the pub with my mates."
So he was gone.
The last man said, "I am lonely and I want my friends back."
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I'm not saying yo mama is a whore but her favorite shade of lipstick is penis.
Chuck Norris can follow you into a revolving door and come out ahead of you.
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Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris.
Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
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Yo mama is so dumb she stuck a battery up her butt and said, "I got energy!"
When Chuck Norris says "Jump", you don't say, "How high?" - you say, "When do I come down?"
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In an aeroplane flying to Melbourne a blonde girl leaves her seat and goes to the business class.
The stewardess, who’ s watching her, gently asks her to see her ticket and tells her that she has to go back to her seat.
But the blonde girl replies “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The stewardess goes to the cockpit and explains the copilot what happened.
So he comes out of the cockpit and tries to explain to the blonde girl that she had to go back to her seat.
And again the blonde girl says “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The copilot, confused, returns to the cockpit and explains the situation to the aircraft commander.
“Don’t worry”, he says, “My wife is a blonde… I can hanlde it!”.
So the commander, goes out, spots the blonde and whispers something in her ear.
Suddenley, she stands up and says “Oh sorry mister…I didn’ t know…!” and runs back to her seat.
“What the hell did you tell her?” asks the copilot who was watching the scene.
“I told her that people in the business class are not flying to Belbourne”
Chuck Norris is spelled with a silent "awesome".
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When Chuck Norris wears a mood ring, it doesn't say whether he's happy or sad.
It says he's Chuck Norris.
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Yo mama's so stupid when she cries for help she says "come here please".
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