Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
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Chuck Norris Avenged the Avengers.
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My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
Yo mama's so stupid when she cries for help she says "come here please".
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The Yeti can't be found because it Chuck Norris made sure no one ever finds it.
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Q: What do ghosts use to phone home?
A: A terror-phone.
When Chuck Norris says "Jump", you don't say, "How high?" - you say, "When do I come down?"
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In an aeroplane flying to Melbourne a blonde girl leaves her seat and goes to the business class.
The stewardess, who’ s watching her, gently asks her to see her ticket and tells her that she has to go back to her seat.
But the blonde girl replies “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The stewardess goes to the cockpit and explains the copilot what happened.
So he comes out of the cockpit and tries to explain to the blonde girl that she had to go back to her seat.
And again the blonde girl says “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The copilot, confused, returns to the cockpit and explains the situation to the aircraft commander.
“Don’t worry”, he says, “My wife is a blonde… I can hanlde it!”.
So the commander, goes out, spots the blonde and whispers something in her ear.
Suddenley, she stands up and says “Oh sorry mister…I didn’ t know…!” and runs back to her seat.
“What the hell did you tell her?” asks the copilot who was watching the scene.
“I told her that people in the business class are not flying to Belbourne”
Chuck Norris is spelled with a silent "awesome".
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When Chuck Norris wears a mood ring, it doesn't say whether he's happy or sad.
It says he's Chuck Norris.
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