Best jokes ever

"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy." Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: sport
So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper says "Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!".
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?" "Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver. "Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman. "Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was screwed."
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: cop
A young woman all excited called up her local police department and said, "I have a sex maniac in my apartment!" The officer at the other end said, "We'll be right over lady." The woman said, "Can you wait till morning?"
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: cop
A lot of people are desperate today. A fellow walked up to me, he said, "You see a cop around here?" I said, "No." He said, "Stick 'em up!"
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: cop
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. "Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills." "I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her." "I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to." A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald - the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert - you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, family
What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter. A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I can tell when my wife drinks. Her face gets blurred.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
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