If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.
What do you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever.
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Time travel is possible. But you must first get past Chuck Norris...
Chuck Norris can spell roundhouse kick with five letters: death.
Two halves make a whole. Two wholes make Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset.
Moses did not part the sea. Chuck Norris accidently did while sneezing.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.
An advertisement: I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones. Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.