What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down? Kick her where the sun don't shine.
Yo momma’s so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle she got hit by a train.
Yo mama so stupid she stab her self with a shooting gun.
Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese.
An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree. They all get out and discuss how to fix the car. The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’ The engineer says, ‘That would take too long. I have my penknife here. I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’ The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Yo Momma's so ugly, she has to get her vibrator drunk!
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, "There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything." After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same. After hesitating, they all did it. "Next," the professor said, "you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger."
Why do women fart after they take a piss? Because they can't shake it, so they blow dry it.