How is a rabbit like a plum?
They re both purple, except for the rabbit.
When Chuck Norris hired his bodyguards, he figured he was paying to save someone.
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Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
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A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Chuck norris can fix a plumbers crack.
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What do you call a black woman who got an abortion?
A member of crimestoppers of america.
A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty.
His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex.
After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition.
‘Stuff that!’ says the woman.
‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
One dinosaur said, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Another dinosaur said "A non-renewable recourse!"
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When Chuck Norris plays sudoku, he can put two same numbers in one square and still solve it right.
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When Chuck crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
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