What is the difference between a blonde and a pothole? You swerve to miss a pothole!
What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Money.
A guy's walking along the beach and he finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and two blonde genies come out. They tell him they'll grant him any three wishes he wants. So he makes his wishes... he wakes up in bed with 50 of the most beautiful women he's ever seen and he'd just made love to all of them. Then he walks outta the bed and opens a treasure chest filled with more money than you could ever imagine... then two KKK members come riding in on horses, throw a noose over a tree and hang him... The KKK members take off their masks and its the two blonde genies one of them says to the other: "I can understand why he wanted to sleep with all the women, I know why he wanted a chest full of money... but I can't figure out why the hell he would wanna be hung like a nigger..."
Q: Why did the Asian cross the road? A: Because he had no car!
Did you hear about the blonde who thought Doris Day was a national holiday?
If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Time travel is possible. But you must first get past Chuck Norris...
Two halves make a whole. Two wholes make Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.