Yo momma’s so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet.
A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
I can tell when my wife drinks. Her face gets blurred.
Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy." The other rabbit says, "Yes, I know, I just pithed on it."
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!
What do you give a cat for its birthday? A catologue.
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!” In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “green side up!” The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing. In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “green side up!” The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?” “I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him: - Do you smoke? - No. - Do you drink? - No. - Do you eat fast food? - No. - Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her vagina's in the Axis of Evil.