Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car. The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out. The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing. After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
What did the psychiatrist say to the android kleptomaniac? DON'T keep taking the tablets!
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
Kryptonite is ancient Latin for Chuck Norris
Windows: Weapon off mass destruction!
Scientists have located the gene for alcoholism. They found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
Boy1: A blonde and brunette are on the top of a building. Who falls off first? Boy2: The blonde? Boy1: No, she has to ask for directions on how.
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and restart. Order shall return.