Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell.
A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
A young woman all excited called up her local police department and said, "I have a sex maniac in my apartment!"
The officer at the other end said, "We'll be right over lady."
The woman said, "Can you wait till morning?"
Teacher: Give me an example of animal.
Jimmy: Frog
Teacher: Give me another.
Jimmy: Another Frog.
I can tell when my wife drinks.
Her face gets blurred.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar.
She says, "This is your lucky night.
I’ve got a special game for you.
I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
A lot of people are desperate today.
A fellow walked up to me, he said, "You see a cop around here?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Stick 'em up!"
A motorcycle cop pulls over a driver.
‘Have you been drinking, sir?’ says the cop.
‘Why?’ says the driver.
‘Is there a fat chick in my car?’
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.