A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit.
He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs.
Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."
As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." 
If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Vote:
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals.
At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him.
"Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat!
What's up with that I wonder!"
The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife.
We went to the games together."
"Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously.
"She passed away," said the gentleman.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man.
Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."
A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, living address, phone number...
Q: Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sex?
A: Because the condom wouldn't fit over the phone.
I think that it is better to give that to get.
You have a very generous thinking.
Are you a humanitarian?
No, I’m a boxer.
Yo mamma’s so fat, that if you throw her out the window people will start screaming:
Look, a flying saucer!