Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods... Cats have never forgotten this. Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs... You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God! Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.
Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games? A: Because there's not a fan in the place.
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake? A: A jump rope!
Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she gave your kids a "Yo' Grandmama Is So Stupid" joke book.
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...