Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods... Cats have never forgotten this. Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs... You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God! Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem. The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?" The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.
Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games? A: Because there's not a fan in the place.
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours? A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake? A: A jump rope!
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...