Best jokes ever

How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she’s pregnant.
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I got this antique watch from my grandfather on his deathbed – he put up one hell of a fight for it.
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I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
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There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
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Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah. ‘Hello,’ I thought. ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
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I drink to steady my nerves. Last night I got so steady I couldn’t move.
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He drank so much beer that when he ate a peanut you could hear the splash.
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Three guys are riding in their truck while drinking beer, having a good ol' time. The driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car so he pulls over. The other two are real nervous, "What do we do with our beers? We're in trouble!" "No," the driver says, "just do this: pull the label off of your beer bottle and stick it to your forehead and let me do the talking." So they all pull the labels off their beer bottles and stick 'em to their foreheads. The policeman walks up and says, "You boys were swerving down the road. Have you been drinking?" The driver says, "Oh, no officer," and points to his forehead, "we're on the patch, trying to quit."
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What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.
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