The boss speaking with the secretary:
Who told you that, if I kissed you a couple of time, you have the right to laze all day long?
My lawyer.
"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
Why beer goes through your system so fast?
Because it does not have to stop to change color.
Q: What's a tiger running a copy machine called?
A: A copycat!
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated."
What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go.
I didn't realize you were a cop."
Your momma's so fat that when she sits on a penny Lincoln dies once again!!
The young police recruit was asked..
"What would you do if you were sent to arrest your mother?"
His reply.... "Call for backup."
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and hugged her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife.
You look exactly like her."
"You worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Teacher: Give me an example of animal.
Jimmy: Frog
Teacher: Give me another.
Jimmy: Another Frog.
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"