Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
What’s the definition of a Yankee? Same thing as a ‘quickie’ but you do it yourself.
Darth Vader wears a Chuck Norris mask for Halloween.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Q: Have you ever seen a black person on the jetsons? A: NO. Looks like a good future doesn't it?
Q: How do Asians name their babies? A: They throw a can down the stairs.
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former buddies at work about the operation. "Was it painful?" someone asked. "Well,"she said. "There was one part that was extremely painful." "I bet I know what part was so painful," someone else said. "I bet it was when they cut off your balls," they said. "No," she said. "I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a thing." "Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another person offered. "No," she said. "I was sedated then too, and didn't feel anything." "Then what part of the operation was so painful?" They wanted to know. "Well," she said. "After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out half of my brains."
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper.