Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates. Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization. The only way to get home was to swim. The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning. The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark. The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Q. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A. A blonde parade.
Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Why did the dinosaur have so few friends? Because Tyrannosaurus reeks!
What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house? Don’t pay the water bill.