"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
The boss speaking with the secretary:
Who told you that, if I kissed you a couple of time, you have the right to laze all day long?
My lawyer.
"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
Why beer goes through your system so fast?
Because it does not have to stop to change color.
Q: What's a tiger running a copy machine called?
A: A copycat!
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated."
What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go.
I didn't realize you were a cop."
Your momma's so fat that when she sits on a penny Lincoln dies once again!!
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones.
This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked the farmer, “Didn’t you know it is against the law
to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?”
The farmer replied, “No, I didn’t knowed that.”
The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, “To Memphis”.
The cop said, “I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis.”
So the farmer promised he would.Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again.
The cop said “I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis”.
And to this the farmer replied “I did and we had so much fun, I’m taking him to the circus.”
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt?
Tricera-bottoms.