Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers. "My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12." "Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals." "He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 152 years old."
Chuck Norris is who killed Kenny.
What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A women who won't do what she's told.
Why is marriage a three-ring circus? First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
Yo Mama's so stupid when she heard someone say it was chille outside,she went and grabbed a size 20 bowl.
Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt.
Yo Mama has touched more knobs then the gas man.
One day a Viking named Leif returned after a long sea voyage and found that during his absence his name had been removed from the town register. He sent his wife to the town hall make a complaint to the mayor. "I’m sorry," said the mayor, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!