Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, "There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything."
After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.
After hesitating, they all did it.
"Next," the professor said, "you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger."
What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured.
It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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James Bond got this email from a friend:
CanYouPleaseFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
The only difference is, then he kills people.
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Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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Chuck Norris does not need pressure cookers.
The food cooks itself out of pressure.
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Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies?
A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.