Chuck Norris can get satellite cable from a Skoal can.
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Chuck norris plays frisbee with his retinas.
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Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
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Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender?
A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
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One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, "There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything."
After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.
After hesitating, they all did it.
"Next," the professor said, "you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger."
What does a nigger do after sex?
25 years to life.
What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured.
It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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