I sent my young son to pick up ice cream, I handed him some money and a coupon. Later he came home with the ice cream and the coupon. When I asked him what happened, he replied, “Mom I had enough money. I didn’t need the coupon.”
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom? He wanted to keep the swelling down.
Roses are red "just like blood" Violets are blue "just like when I stab your face and shuve it in poo" So have you lurned that when I stab you blood comes out And shows me 1 thing your shit.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
There is a nigger and a Mexican in a car. Who is driving? Nethier, the cop is.
Two old ladies are discussing their dead husbands. ‘Tell me,’ says one. ‘Did you have mutual orgasms?’ ‘No,’ says the other. ‘I think we were with the Prudential.’
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."