Chuck Norris can get satellite cable from a Skoal can.
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Chuck norris plays frisbee with his retinas.
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Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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I bought a Jewish sports car.
Not only will it stop on a dime, it will pick it up too.
I've heard they're gas guzzlers though.
One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, "There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything."
After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.
After hesitating, they all did it.
"Next," the professor said, "you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger."
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured.
It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Oh Goddammit, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in.
The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!"
The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?"
The bartender says, "Yeah.."
The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?"
The bartender says, "It's across the road."
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
The only difference is, then he kills people.
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Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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