Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
What do ducks wear to party's?
A duck-sedo!
Yo mamas so nasty, she went to the hair salon, took off her shirt, and said "I wanna impress a boy, so braid it."
A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.
She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"
The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"
And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"
The guy says: "In that case follow me"
So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"
So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"
Vote:
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vote:
Yo momma’s so fat, she’s on both sides of the family.
What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
Marriage.
A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former
buddies at work about the operation.
"Was it painful?" someone asked.
"Well,"she said.
"There was one part that was extremely painful."
"I bet I know what
part was so painful," someone else said.
"I bet it was when they cut off your
balls," they said.
"No," she said.
"I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a
thing."
"Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another
person offered.
"No," she said.
"I was sedated then too, and didn't feel
anything."
"Then what part of the operation was so painful?"
They wanted to
know.
"Well," she said.
"After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in
my ear and sucked out half of my brains."
What do you say to a virgin?
Thanks for nothing!
What does a Jew get when he walks into a wall with a boner?
A broken nose.