Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.
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Chuck Norris does not need pressure cookers.
The food cooks itself out of pressure.
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Chuck Norris reached level 51 on Oblivion.
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Chuck Norris does not eat.
Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a particle accelerator to collide atoms, he just smashes his fists together.
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Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
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One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.
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There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water.
The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood.
The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
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Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
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