A lawyer opens the door of his BMW.
Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly.
‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines.
‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer.
‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’
‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer.
‘Where’s my Rolex?’
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size.
When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
Vote:
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman.
My wife put me off them.
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy?
You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.
I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank.
I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...