Joke #12361

Once Chuck Norris rubbed a magical lamp, nothing came out. The genie ain't stupid.
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Chuck Norris never has a deja vu. No scene would be that stupid to appear in front of the man twice.
Vote: has 73.60 % from 86 votes. Send joke:
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When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears. Candyman ain't stupid.
Vote: has 73.25 % from 76 votes. Send joke:
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Chuck Norris doesn't need his seatbelt becouse no one is stupid enough to hit him.
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
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Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice and Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick me for being stupid.
Vote: has 66.10 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
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Three guys are stuck on a deserted island when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pop out. The genie looks at the three guys and says: "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. POOF!He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island and wishes to go home. POOF!He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is."Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"
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A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.
Vote: has 51.37 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
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Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
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A man was strolling along a beach in California. On giving the sand a kick he struck a corked bottle. He bent down, picked it up and removed the cork. Immediately, a Genie came out of the bottle and said to him, "Master, I have been a prisoner in this bottle for a thousand years and now you have set me free. For that, I will grant you one wish." The man thought for a moment then said, "I always wanted to go to Hawaii but I am afraid to fly and I get sick on a ship. Could you build a highway from California to Hawaii?" "Master, that is a difficult wish to fulfill. Can you think of something that is more practical?" The man thought for a moment and said, "Could you tell me why women are the way they are?" The Genie thought for a moment before replying, "Would that be two lanes or four?"
Vote: has 75.65 % from 84 votes. Send joke:
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While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off. A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish. The man replys, "What about three?" The genie retorts " Look pal, I'm in a hurry, I've been cooped up in that damn lamp for. . ." "OK, alright" the guy responds. "Tell you what, I'm tired of paying for airplane tickets to Hawaii. I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii." This pisses the genie off. He screams, "Hey, this isn't the movies. Your wish has to be practical." "Do you know the engineering it would take to design that, the materials it would take, you'd have to compensate for plate techtonics, the continental shelf. . ." "Geez" the guy responds, "Well, I'd really like to understand women." The genie responds "Did you want two lanes or four?"
Vote: has 74.94 % from 790 votes. Send joke:
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An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
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