How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Harry’s so cheap, he didn’t buy his wife a pearl necklace, he got her a length of string and told her to start a collection.
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes? A: Because they leave to go answer the door.
LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga. LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina". When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!" "Don't disrespect me! I be her mama. I can names her anything I want." When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?