How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
"Hello" "Hello" "Is that you, James?" "Yes, this is James." "Are you sure this is James." "Yes I'm sure, this is James!" "This is Robert... can you lend me twenty dollars?" "I'll tell James when he comes in."
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? Answer: Lipstick.
A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move.
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? (They use bear conditioning!)
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest? When its raining cats and dogs.
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says, "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants" The pirate replies, "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts."
Q: What do you call a blonde sitting in the back of your 6th grade class? A: your 25 year old mom.
Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?