An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!"
His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
Chuck Norris has 10 custom classes on Modern Warfare 2, and hes never prestiged.
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The wind of Chuck Norris's round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away.
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Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad?
A: Dady issues!
All the bases are 90 feet apart in regulation Baseball.
So why does it take a Runner longer to run from 2nd to 3rd than it does from 1st to 2nd?
Simple! Because between 2nd and 3rd there is a 'Short-Stop'!
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.”
“I’m the only soldier in my family,” confessed vet number three, “but if my great grandfather was living today he’d be the most famous man in the world.”
“Really? What’d he do?” his friends wanted to know.
“Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old.”
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I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
What is so special about the retirement age?
"It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."
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Q. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A. Grade 4.