The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness.
"Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander.
"I certainly did."
"And?"
"And he said, 'Yes dear you're right,' and dozed off!"
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair.
He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing?
Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.