Why do lions always eat raw meat?
"Because they don't know how to cook."
"Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones!"
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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He, who laughs last, laughs best.
He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
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Mortal Kombat was originally called 'Ways Chuck Norris Can Kill You'.
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Chuck Norris is the reason there is wind.
The air tries to get away from him as fast as possible.
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A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity.
Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
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In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
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Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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