Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
"Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones!"
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
Mortal Kombat was originally called 'Ways Chuck Norris Can Kill You'.
Chuck Norris is the reason there is wind. The air tries to get away from him as fast as possible.
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.