How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film?
They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"
What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
She said they were pretty good, but might offend some Puerto Ricans.
He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat?
A: The Grape-full Dead!
Chuck Norris sent a e-mail through the postal service.
Vote:
Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street.
Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!"
(splash)
"WHERE?"
(splash)
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road?
A: To get hit by my car.
Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
Vote:
Yo momma is so stupid when they asked her 1+1 she said "Ouch! it is a long story."