He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat?
A: The Grape-full Dead!
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs.
One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional.
The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.''
They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street.
Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!"
(splash)
"WHERE?"
(splash)
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road?
A: To get hit by my car.
Chuck Norris sent a e-mail through the postal service.
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Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
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Yo momma is so stupid when they asked her 1+1 she said "Ouch! it is a long story."
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
- Help me, please. I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
- Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
- But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
- I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you.
You must pass here tomorrow.
- But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
- Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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