There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
Q: Why do women have periods? A: Because they deserve them.
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
There is no logical foundation of mathematics, and Gödel has proved it!
A Detroit-area woman who was removed from a jury for commenting about the ongoing case on Facebook has a longer writing task ahead: a five-page essay about the constitutional right to a fair trial. She responded, "Can I just get the answer from Wikipedia and send it to the inbox on your Facebook page instead?"
Q: What happens when you put your hand in a bag of jelly beans? A: The black one takes your watch.
A homo went to Denmark to have a sex change operation performed. When 'SHE' returned, a friend asked, "How did it go?" "Oh awful, just awful!" she replied. "What was so awful?" asked the friend, "Did it hurt a lot when they removed the extra parts?" "Oh no," she replied, "That wasn't bad at all." "Well, did it hurt when they put in the silicone implants?" the friend asked. "Oh no, that wasn't bad either!" she replied. "Well then," asked the friend, "What was so awful?" "It was when they cut a hole in my head and took out half my brain!"
The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.
A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."
A man takes a beautiful blonde to his apartment. They're kissing in the elevator when she feels something in his pocket. "What is that?" she asks. "Those are my golf balls." "Is that like tennis elbow?"