What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him.
"I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw.
"You always lose control at the same point in every game."
"When is that?"
"Right after the National Anthem."
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
What do you call a bear with no teeth, a gummy bear!
Why did the captain lose the yacht race?
He found himself in a no-wind situation.
What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house?
Don’t pay the water bill.
An old miser comes into the bank with a huge bag of coins.
‘Gracious,’ says the bank teller.
‘Did you hoard all that yourself?’
‘No,’ replies the miser.
‘My sister whored most of it.’
The cop said, ‘Pull over!’
I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’
What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a torturer?
The torturer would apologize first.
How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.