1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
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He was such an egotist that he joined the navy so the world could see him.
Chuck Norris traveled around the world in 60 milliseconds.
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Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman?
A: Inserting the anchovies
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Chuck Norris knows the last number of infinity.
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What’s sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
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What's faster than a black guy running with a TV?
His brother with the DVD player.
Did you know if you look in the mirror it's the biggest joke ever.