Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
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My wife is so kinky, when she was born, the doctor slapped her bottom to make her cry, and she said "Don't forget to pull my hair" I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night.
Woke up with a massive correction.
How do you hide your money from a mexican?
Q: What do black people smoke?
A: Niggerettes.
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There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris...
Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
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Chuck Norris once drank wine from a chalice.
This chalice is now known as the holy grail.
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Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand?
A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
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A Detroit-area woman who was removed from a jury for commenting about the ongoing case on Facebook has a longer writing task ahead: a five-page essay about the constitutional right to a fair trial.
She responded, "Can I just get the answer from Wikipedia and send it to the inbox on your Facebook page instead?"
Q: What happens when you put your hand in a bag of jelly beans?
A: The black one takes your watch.
The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.