I came downstairs this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted for breakfast. So I said, ‘Eggs, bacon, fried bread and mushrooms.’ At least that’s what I meant to say. What I actually said was, ‘You’ve ruined my life, you fat ugly witch.’
Q: What does FUBU really stand for? A: Farmers used to buy us.
Host migration is Chuck Norris pausing multiplayer.
When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
My wife is so kinky, when she was born, the doctor slapped her bottom to make her cry, and she said "Don't forget to pull my hair" I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night. Woke up with a massive correction.
Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps? Under his work boots.
Chuck Norris once drank wine from a chalice. This chalice is now known as the holy grail.
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.