I came downstairs this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted for breakfast.
So I said, ‘Eggs, bacon, fried bread and mushrooms.’
At least that’s what I meant to say.
What I actually said was, ‘You’ve ruined my life, you fat ugly witch.’
Q: What does FUBU really stand for?
A: Farmers used to buy us.
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Host migration is Chuck Norris pausing multiplayer.
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When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough.
Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'
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In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
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Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
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My wife is so kinky, when she was born, the doctor slapped her bottom to make her cry, and she said "Don't forget to pull my hair" I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night.
Woke up with a massive correction.
Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps?
Under his work boots.
Chuck Norris once drank wine from a chalice.
This chalice is now known as the holy grail.
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There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris...
Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
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