Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
My wife is so kinky, when she was born, the doctor slapped her bottom to make her cry, and she said "Don't forget to pull my hair" I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night. Woke up with a massive correction.
How do you hide your money from a mexican?
Q: What do black people smoke? A: Niggerettes.
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
Chuck Norris once drank wine from a chalice. This chalice is now known as the holy grail.
Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand? A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
A Detroit-area woman who was removed from a jury for commenting about the ongoing case on Facebook has a longer writing task ahead: a five-page essay about the constitutional right to a fair trial. She responded, "Can I just get the answer from Wikipedia and send it to the inbox on your Facebook page instead?"
Q: What happens when you put your hand in a bag of jelly beans? A: The black one takes your watch.
The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.