How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You hang up a bingo sign!
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton! Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!" "What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine. "Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’ Sue Murphy
Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's test? A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
A blonde was trapped on an island and had to swim 1000 miles to get back to the mainland. She swam 500 miles and got tired, so swam back to the island.
What did the trampolinist say? ‘Life has its ups and downs, but I always bounce back.’ Tennis
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
If you step on a crack, Chuck Norris will break your back.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."