Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
What do you call ten lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand?
Football practice.
Why did the captain lose the yacht race?
He found himself in a no-wind situation.
What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house?
Don’t pay the water bill.
An old miser comes into the bank with a huge bag of coins.
‘Gracious,’ says the bank teller.
‘Did you hoard all that yourself?’
‘No,’ replies the miser.
‘My sister whored most of it.’
The cop said, ‘Pull over!’
I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’
What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a torturer?
The torturer would apologize first.
How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water?
A: A soggy butt.
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