How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.
He is obviously drunk.
So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times.
They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man.
He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around!
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun?
"Are you pure bred?"
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his rear.