What is the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around!
Q. How do rednecks have safe sex? A. They mark the sheep that kick!
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun? "Are you pure bred?"
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Mama Bear and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand. The judge says, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies. "He beats me." The judge then asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies. "She beats me too." So the judge says, "So who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear replies, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody."
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’