Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here'.
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? A: He thought his wife was a flake.
Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can? A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
There are 5 known levels of Super-Saiyan. Achieving the 6th level is known as "Going Chuck Norris."
Q: How big are the pastro's beds? A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.
Lenin dies and goes to Saint Peter to tell him whether to go to hell or heaven. There was a big problem among the saints because the half of them wanted him to hell and the other half in Paradise. Then they asked God, who of course tells them to go to Hell. After a week of being in hell, devil visited St. Peter and complained: "This Lenin will destroy me. One week in Hell only and he has already started their courses and demonstrations." St. Peter much forced agrees to accept Lenin in Paradise. From that day and then there was a disturbing silence. After two months St. Peter goes to heaven and he sees what? Everyone sitting around and Lenin standing in the middle and talking. Among the distinguished listeners the Saint recognises Jesus Christ. He calls him and says: "God will punish you" And he answers: "Who? God? But God does not exist."
If Clint Eastwood told Chuck Norris to get off his lawn... Chuck would get the hell off his lawn!