What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Vote:
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving one day.
So he went to the deepest part of the beach, got on his gear, and went underwater.
He decides to go down 20 feet, and there he sees another guy with no equipment on.
The man thought this was strange but we forgot about it and went down another 20 feet.
There, he sees the same guy down there with no gear on.
But the man decided to forget about it and go down another 20 feet.
When he does, he sees the same guy 60 feet underwater with no gear on.
Finally the man writes a note asking this guy how he can go so deep underwater without any gear.
The guy writes back, ''Because I'm drowning, asshole!''
Why should you never let a blonde take a tea or coffee break?
"It's too hard to re-train them."
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional.
Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him.
The priest addresses him through the grille.
‘Good morning, my son.
What can I do for you?’
‘You got here just in time,’ replies the drunk.
‘Could you pass over some toilet paper?’
What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream?
Aston Vanilla.
What games do ants play with elephants?
Squash!