The hardest thing about prizefighting is picking up your teeth wearing a boxing glove.
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving one day.
So he went to the deepest part of the beach, got on his gear, and went underwater.
He decides to go down 20 feet, and there he sees another guy with no equipment on.
The man thought this was strange but we forgot about it and went down another 20 feet.
There, he sees the same guy down there with no gear on.
But the man decided to forget about it and go down another 20 feet.
When he does, he sees the same guy 60 feet underwater with no gear on.
Finally the man writes a note asking this guy how he can go so deep underwater without any gear.
The guy writes back, ''Because I'm drowning, asshole!''
Why should you never let a blonde take a tea or coffee break?
"It's too hard to re-train them."
What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?
A rubbit!
Q. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A. She picks up her purse and goes home.
Why did the gag-writer turn green?
Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.
One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.
All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.
The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened."
and poof, her wish was granted.
The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened."
and poof, her wish was granted.
Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!"
The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court.
I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He replied "He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".
The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand.
Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!