If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count?
Eminem has to chew before swallowing.
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Justin Bieber was inspired by Usher because of his music and dance, Usher was inspired by Michael Jackson The King of Pop, Michael Jackson was inspired by...Chuck Norris.
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how come blondes don't wear tampons?
so their crabs don't go bungie jumping.
A Detroit-area woman who was removed from a jury for commenting about the ongoing case on Facebook has a longer writing task ahead: a five-page essay about the constitutional right to a fair trial.
She responded, "Can I just get the answer from Wikipedia and send it to the inbox on your Facebook page instead?"
Q: What happens when you put your hand in a bag of jelly beans?
A: The black one takes your watch.
Q: Whos the richest man in Mexico?
A: The person who gets the penny.
At the Court discussion between judge and villager:
So you was propeling surrogate alcohol?
Me? No!
What do you mean no?
You have a device for that... means propeled.
Then please judge me also for rape...
So you have raped someone also?
Well no... but I have a device...
Are you lost, ma'am?
Because Heaven's a long way from here.
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