Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory.
He refreshes webpages by blinking.
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Freddy Krueger sleeps with his mom every night because he is scared of Chuck Norris!
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece?
A: He Married Her
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How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk.
The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink.
The man leaves.
He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer.
A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before.
The man leaves.
He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer.
The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar.
He leaves.
He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him.
"I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!"
Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore?
A good start...
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were asked where they would like to go.
The brunette said she would like to go to Mars.
The redhead said she would like to go to Venus.
The blonde said she would like to go to the Sun.
"But you would burn up", said the brunette. "Well, I would go at night. Duh", said the blonde.
How can you tell if a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.