I love her so much I worship the ground her father found oil on.
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
They presented him with a cup when he was a boxer.
It was to keep his teeth in.
What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream?
Aston Vanilla.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess.
He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile.
‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ice skate?
The ice.
Dick goes into a rough bar and orders a drink.
A man sidles up to him and says, ‘I can see you’re a stranger in here.’
‘Why, yes,’ says Dick.
‘How could you tell?’
The man replies, ‘You’ve taken your hand off your glass.’
He doesn’t drink anything stronger than pop.
Mind you Pop will drink anything.