Did you hear about the cover-all insurance policy? If you bump your head, they pay you a lump sum.
How do you fit 54 Jews in a car? 2 in the front 2 in the back and 50 in the ashtray.
Q: What happened to Jesus when he said "Catch me outside, how bout dat"? A: He got crucified
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
A blond whines at her mother: Mother, I’m impregnate! What? Where the hell was you’re head? What do you mean by that, on the pillow off course!
A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer. When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.
My girlfriend used to fake foreplay. A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn. He’s rushed to hospital by his wife
The mouse and the elephant stay on the trunk of a smitten tree. Near them passes the giraffe, who asks them: Who pulled out this tree from his root? Me off course, says the mouse, but the elephant helped a bit.
Q: What's the Internet's favorite animal? A: The lynx.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.