A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can.
The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?'
The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have."
The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?"
The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
Q. What's black and white and green?
A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money.
I shall be everlastingly in your debt.
Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
Make the world your playground.
Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up.
Dragging a sock over it helps.
If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.
When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.
Nap often.
When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
Life is hard, and then you nap.
Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
Variety is the spice of life.
One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy.
Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.
Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sex', express an opinion!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
How do you get a hundred cows in a barn?
You hang up a bingo sign!
Q: What do you call a black and white thing rolling down a hill
A: A maori and a segull fighting over a fishhead.
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Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
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Q: Why did cow cross road?
A: To find to the udder side.
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