Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey?
A: Because it makes him mean!
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
Did you hear about the small golf course?
You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
She was so rich she even had monograms on the bags under her eyes.
Seen in a bar near here: "We don't stand in your toilet, so please don't pee on our floor!"
Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick.
One man said, "I sure wish I could do that."
The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going to have to pet him first."
Q: Why do niggers wear those big wide brim hats?
A: To keep the birds from shitting on their lips.
Vote:
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.
When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.
The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.
The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.
He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
What does the informatics teacher scream when he’s drowning? - F1, F1, F1...