(A) You are not Tom Cruise,
(B) The guns may stop working at the last moment,
(C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you,
(D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf
(E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home.
” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years !
So how could you get lost ?
” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear.
Morris whispered, ” I wasn’t lost…..I was just too tired to walk home.”
Vote:
Who is little, black and jumps?
A flee!
But who’s big, black and jumps?
Dr. Alban!
A team of doctors attended the delivery of quintuplets who were able to walk immediately after the umbilical cords were cut.
The senior doctor was asked to explain this unusual occurrence.
‘I guess they had a lot of practice,’ said the doctor.
‘What do you mean, “practice”?’ asked a junior colleague.
‘They were just born!’ The doctor replied, ‘Well, it was standing womb only.’
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fat bird in my car?"
This is a visual joke.
Blow some cigarette smoke into a shoe, what do you have?
A palestinian waiting for the bus.
Vote:
Q. Why do blondes have legs?
A1. So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2. To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3. So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
What about Where does a General keep his Armys?
In his sleevies!
What is grosser than gross?
When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.
Vote:
Q: Why do black women lose their hair at an early age?
A: From all of the hair pulling during rape.