What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play. Their mother said yes, but only for an hour. An hour later, only Out came back. Their mother said, "Out, you'd better go back in and find In." About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In. Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly. "Easy." Out said. "In-stincts."
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
Born free. Taxed to death. A man goes into a shop to get his wife a present. He points out a bottle of perfume and asks
Q: Why are black people, pirates? A: Because they go nigarrr.
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Three blondes enter a bar. They are happy, dancing and singing. The barman asks them: What are you girls celebrating? We just finished a puzzle that took us tree months to finish. So? The barman asks. On the box wrought 2-4 years!
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.