Our family was so poor our Christmas dinner was the leftovers from our last Christmas dinner.
Q. What's green and red?
A. A very mad frog.
Why is it nice being a baby?
It’s a nappy time.
If Asda is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the shop free yet?
Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?
He liked a good croak and dagger.
A blond smokes in her yard. The garbage man asks her:
Any garbage today?
Yes, tree sacks please...
How do you kill a blonde with one arm?
You wave to her.
What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
Vote:
There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'.
The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open.
He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?"
The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink."
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because the spots where all over.