Why is it nice being a baby?
It’s a nappy time.
If Asda is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the shop free yet?
Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?
He liked a good croak and dagger.
A blond smokes in her yard. The garbage man asks her:
Any garbage today?
Yes, tree sacks please...
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, maybe your radar gun needs calibrating.'
What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
Vote:
How do you kill a blonde with one arm?
You wave to her.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because the spots where all over.
Did you hear that the boxer Colloso Mamello, was disqualified?
Yes, but why?
Because he was superstitious.
He had a horseshow, hidden in his glove...
A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head.
The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’
‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’
‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman.
‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’