Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
Chuck norris recently received a restraining order barring him from getting closer then half a mile from Satan.
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
Kanye West interupted Chuck Norris and became Kanye East.
Chuck Norris made the llama extinct. Never spit in his face.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
When Chuck Norris plays Nazi Zombies it's the Zombies who build barriers.
The energizer bunny freezes when it sees Chuck Norris.
In "ring around the rosie", Chuck Norris does not fall down.