Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Q: What do a bungee jump cord and a hooker have in common? A: If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
King Kong climbed the Empire State Building because Chuck Norris was waiting at the bottom.
Chuck Norris helps little old ladies cross the street... Bad guys get kicked to the curb!
All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
Chuck Norris caught a bullet with the same gun he fired it from.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said "I bet I can walk across the water." He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said "They did it that means I do it." , He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?" Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.